GETTING CENTERED Part 1
Being effective and clear may be your usual state but what happens to
you in moments of stress, conflict or crisis; can you hold onto the part of
yourself that operates well?
Centering is a simple key to effectiveness. It is a way of taking a
moment to check in; of managing what is going on and supporting yourself to
make clear choices.
Centering affects your body, your mind and your emotions. It is a way of looking after yourself in any
situation and importantly, it’s a choice.
No matter what you are doing, if you aren’t centered then you will be
operating at less than your capacity.
Being centered is the feeling that you have when you are focussed and
relaxed at the same time. There are a
range of things that you might do which encourage centering. Some sports help, being in ‘the zone’ whilst
running, playing a musical instrument well enough that you make music rather
than notes, gardening, cooking, writing.
Some activities focus on centering like meditation, yoga and some
martial arts.
It is the state where you have a sense of relaxed control, where you
feel prepared and are breathing easily.
It is a choice and you can bring this state into your moment to moment
interactions and activities.
Centering is the ability at any moment to gather yourself together,
recognise who is in charge of you (which hopefully is you) and to then make a decision. It is about having a response rather than a
reaction.
A reaction is what happens
when you receive a stimulus and instantly get triggered into some form of
action. We will never stop having
reactions, we are designed to have them, what we can do is limit the hold that
reactions have over us.
A response is what happens
when we start to have a reaction and then notice that we are reacting. We can then engage with our thoughts and
feelings and this in turn helps us toward making a choice.
It’s okay to not be centered, but can you choose it when needed? It’s easy when you are relaxed and things are
going well, the challenge is to be able to choose it when you are feeling
stressed or under pressure.
Whether you are at home looking after young children, winning (or
losing) a game of tennis or running a large business, there will be a mixture
of times when our sense of being centered slips. Perhaps you need to have a tough
conversation, there is a moment of conflict or you are feeling negative stress.
You may be blaming others for your situation, or doing a great job of
avoiding something that you know is going to be tricky. You might spot yourself getting very busy
doing lots of things except dealing with the key issue. Conversely you may seem entirely unable to
focus on anything - -flitting from task to task without focus.
These are all great examples of being reactive – caught by the
thoughts and feelings that accompany what we imagine will be a difficult
situation.
As a coach I often feel that part of my role is getting people to stop
‘doing’, to take a moment to reflect and think and just ‘be’. Helping them get off the treadmill of
reactive behaviour and moving toward making useful responses. As a mediator, one of my tasks is slowly to
help people gain a bit of perspective, so that somewhere a choice starts to
seem like a possibility.
There are lots of routes toward getting centered and the two exercises
that follow are an easy start.
Quick
centering exercise:
Take a breath, just one, right now.
Let your belly relax and expand as you breathe in and then contract
slightly as you exhale.
Now take another, slowly and deliberately
That’s it, you can do it anytime but make it a choice.
Slightly
longer exercise:
Take a moment, close the door, and put your
phone and computer on silent
Pause
Take a breath and then another one.
Try to notice what is running through your mind?
Is your thinking relaxed or tense?
How are you reacting to being asked to pause?
What is going on in your body? Check it over from your toes to the top of
your head. Which parts are relaxed and
which are tense. Are you still or
moving?
What is your body telling you (if anything)?
Take another breath and when you are ready carry
on with your day.
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