GETTING CENTERED Part 2
My last post started to explore the idea of being centered
and offered a simple breathing technique to help you move in the direction of
relaxed attention and focus.
This post will look at the concept of the comfort zone
and will offer a second practical approach that can help you become more
centered.
The comfort zone can be shown as below
The comfort zone (CZ) is a name
given to an area of psychological safety.
Within our CZ we feel safe, outside we feel unsafe. A sense of real or perceived threat keeps us
inside this area and the possibility of taking a risk allows us to expand it.
Immediately outside the CZ is a
stretch zone – an area that we can see the possibility of entering but that also
looks scary. Most types of change, new
learning, new jobs or relationships all sit in this area and often contain a
mix of excitement and trepidation.
Beyond the stretch zone is the
danger zone. This is the area where we feel
distinctly unsafe, where it is probably a bad idea (for some of us) to spend
time.
As we change and grow over time the
different areas shift and change, what at one time seems dangerous, will at
another be part of our CZ.
The zones relate to all aspects
of our life. As babies we have an innate
fascination which leads us to constantly be moving into the stretch zone. As adults we vary, some of us choose to keep
stretching or moving toward danger, others of us grow comfortable within what we
know. What we think of as risk taking
will vary, some people may take up sky diving, others may have a tough
conversation with their partner, for some people leaving the house or making
social connections may feel like a trip into the danger zone.
If we want to leave or expand our
CZ, what is it that enables us to move into our stretch zone?
There are two facets to this, one
internal and the other external.
The external is to do with other
people and influences. The influences
may be books, people we hear about, something that we want that drives us. It is also other people who actively help us,
possibly by direct encouragement or by modelling a type of behaviour that
enables us to stretch.
The internal is our own sense of
resilience, competence or drive. What we
know about ourselves and how we act on this knowledge. It is fostered and
supported by our ability to be centered.
If we can center, we are able to
look at the stretch we wish to take from a responsive place rather than a
reactive one.
Being centered will help us pay
attention to our emotions without being overwhelmed by them. We will be more accepting of our thoughts
and feelings and then able to take greater responsibility for them and the
choice we are about to make.
This choice may include not
taking the stretch – but if we are centered then it is a choice, a response and
not a reactive shying away from something difficult.
In my last post on centering I focussed on breathing – I suggest that you
keep using this and I realise that if you are reading this post then you have
successfully been breathing since reading the last one. What I mean is choosing to take an
occassional deep and mindful breath and now to also pay deeper attention to
your body.
How are you sitting or standing right now?
Are you relaxed or tense?
Which parts are relaxed, which are tense?
How is your posture?
Are you slumped in a chair or rigidly holding yourself in position. Are you leaning toward or away from a sore
hip, shoulder or other bodily ache?
It will be easier for you to breathe if your posture is comfortable.
What I notice is that when we
change our posture both our thinking and our sense of well being changes.
When your spine is straight and head, heart and gut in vertical alignment you
may feel more alert and have more mental clarity.
Being centered is not a static state; it is not about sitting in a lotus position on
top of a mountain bathed in sunlight. It
is a choice at any time, anywhere. I
move, bend, slump, switch off and get unfocussed but when I need to support
myself, remembering that it is okay to sit up or stand up straighter and take a
breath helps me get centered.
Our comfort zone is often a relaxed place to dwell but the following quote
also fits:
“if we always do what we have always done, we will always get what we have
always got”
If you want something different and that requires a move into your stretch
zone, take a breath, adjust your posture, ask for help and take the step.